When the divorce was obvious, I just wanted to stay friends. I wanted a friend in him. Not just someone to problem solve with about selling the house and share financial Excel files with. The answer I got was that that wasn't possible:
"No one can be friends after a divorce!"
I was shocked! Why not? What kind of conventional BS was that?
I missed him. His advice. Our talks, our girls, our families. Why couldn't he accept the growing apart and still be friends? What was it in his anger towards me that he needed to heal? For me it's the opposite, how can you NOT stay friends? Especially if there was love, friendship, kids and happy memories. If you loved someone wouldn’t you want them to be happy, help them in what they need, cooperate, care? Everything else is selfish and wrong for me.
What's the difference when it's the ultimate separation; death?
Would it be easier to accept abandonment if the separation occurs by death from smoking or drinking? Is it because there wasn't a ‘choice’? Or is it because there wasn’t any cruel words in the process? There wasn’t any greediness, jealousy, possession, controlling, and all those other things that are part of a relationship but NOT love.
Or is it because we just don’t reflect on what is right in the relationship, intoxicating us more than any poisonous molecule. We do what others do, we follow hundreds of years of conventionalism, dating back to when the women were not supposed to live as they wanted — but as the men wanted. Times when the sacrament was used for reasons that don’t exist today, times when 50% of women died in child birth at early age, and when very few reached the age of 50.